It's 3 AM. Inserts are failing with 'Duplicate entry 2147483647' — but you never inserted a duplicate. Welcome to one of MySQL's most quietly famous outages.
A plain-English walkthrough: how B-tree inserts actually work, what a page split costs, why random UUID v4 keys bloat the index by 2× and blow the buffer pool.
Why DELETE is the most expensive DML operation in a relational database — and why a simple UPDATE SET deleted_at = NOW() is 4-8x faster under concurrent load.